You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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