dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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