I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
