I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
