Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
