Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
