she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
