dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
