What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
