There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
where am i from again
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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