He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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