its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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