saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
