We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
