She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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