btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
