playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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