Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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