So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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