dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
