Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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