I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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