You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
