I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
