Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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