apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
