Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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