JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
