Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
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why do cheetos always look like penises
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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