I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
