i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
