I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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