How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
