...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
