I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
