There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
