I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
