Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
