I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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