you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
