I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
