I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
