if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
