You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
