I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
