I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
