are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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