He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
