yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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