I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
