maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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