The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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