Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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