I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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