Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
