6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
