Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
