The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
