He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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