i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
