Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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