I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
