Tell her she can't have a vagina
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
