We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
