I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
