so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
