I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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