i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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