Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
