Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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