I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
