wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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