kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
