You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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