I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pappa wants mamma naked
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize