in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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